Well, here we go again. Another day, another headline about Tiger Woods having "some difficulty." This time, apparently, the difficulty involves a vehicle that decided to take a nap on its side. We're told he's a "close friend" of the current occupant of the Oval Office, who helpfully chimed in with the groundbreaking observation that Woods is, indeed, experiencing "some difficulty." Revolutionary reporting, truly.
Sources close to the situation, which I assume means whoever answered the phone at the Sheriff's department, confirmed that a rollover crash happened in Jupiter, Florida. The vehicle in question, a Land Rover, apparently had some personal space issues with a pressure cleaner and ended up on its side. Because, you know, that's a common occurrence when you're just cruising down the street.
Now, the interesting part. The deputies, bless their hearts, suspected impairment. Naturally, a breathalyzer was deployed. It came back negative. But our man Tiger, a connoisseur of advanced procedures, declined a urine sample. This, according to the authorities, is grounds for arrest. Because in the wonderful world of DUI, saying "no thanks" to a pee cup is apparently the ultimate red flag.
We're told Woods "did exemplify signs of impairment," despite the alcohol test. They did some "in-depth roadside tests," taking into account his "injuries and surgeries." It's always a delicate balance, isn't it? Assessing whether someone is genuinely struggling or just really, really tired from all that professional golfing.
This isn't exactly uncharted territory for Tiger and automobiles. Remember the little fender-bender a few years back where his leg went through the windshield? Good times. Now, fresh off a year-long break and recovering from more surgeries than most people have had hot dinners, he was gearing up for a comeback. Guess the universe decided it wasn't quite done with the comeback narrative yet. Or perhaps it just enjoys a good plot twist.